In Jefferson Parish, Louisiana, police began chasing an allegedly impaired driver. To evade pursuit, the driver dove into a nearby swamp.
An alligator promptly swam toward him. A champion chomper, the gator then bit the alleged perp, a Mr. Garcia, age 40, on the extremities. Police rescued the fugitive by dragging him out of the water.
The arrest report shows an understandably disturbed Mr. Garcia in extreme close-up and also contains a picture of a grinning alligator dressed in a police uniform. That image is labeled, “Al E. Gator.”
Here are my inevitable questions:
a) Can local police departments deputize non-humans?
b) If so, what is the procedure?
c) Does the local police department have to pay them?
d) If so, how much?
e) Is the local PD responsible in any way for injuries to alleged perps caused by the non-human deputies?
In a very real way, this is great because it tells us that you don’t have to be human to get a well-paying job and earn respect in the community.
Needless to say, people do the darndest things while under the influence. A few have gotten onto riding lawnmowers and entered public highways. People drive in the wrong direction. People have fallen asleep in the middle of the road. (I could go on, but I won’t. The sky’s the limit.)
As I have often remarked, there is a group that issues an annual series called The Darwin Awards. There is an awards ceremony, and you can get each year’s list. The Darwin Awards go to those individuals who, due to their inherent whatever, remove themselves from the gene pool, ensuring that their poor biology cannot transfer itself to future generations.
We do not have alligators on Long Island. But we definitely have police. Their job is especially hard here because they have no alligators to assist them. Pit bulls are everywhere, but they tend to pose a threat rather than offer a solution. Deer ticks and skeeters just don’t cut it.
Has anyone referred this incident to the Darwin Awards committee, or is it the responsibility of Al E. Gator himself? —Kathryn Nocerino