Over the last 27 days, I have been sitting in the FCI Fairton Special Housing Unit (SHU), and I’ve come to the realization that I have truly hit rock bottom—if there ever was one to hit. This time has allowed me to reflect on how I got here—not just in the SHU, but in prison. My own personal choices, made while blinded by the lust for ambition, brought me here. Yes, my self-destruction was caused by me, and no one else.
The sad part is that it took reaching the very limit of insanity for me to think beyond the noise and the cloud in my very messed-up mind. The truth is, I have utterly disgraced the names of both my parents, who never deserved this and who never set examples remotely close to the things I’ve done. Both were honest and hardworking people their entire lives.
My mom (God rest her soul) worked tirelessly to provide my sister and me with a dignified life, and my dad, even to this day at 61, still wakes up at 3:30 a.m. every morning to go to work. I had an honest upbringing, and I failed when I strayed from those values.
I failed my family. I failed my friends, donors, voters, supporters, employees, and volunteers. Over the course of the last eight years, I have let so many people down. The worst part was my justification to myself: “It’s only to win the election so I can fight for our country.” Sick. That’s what that was—very sick.
I know I’ve caused so much trouble to so many good people, and they will never forgive me—and rightfully so. The only thing I can do now is say how profoundly and deeply sorry I am. If I could do it all over again, I would do it 100% differently—with only honesty and integrity at all times, no matter how hard the truth was.
I am sorry for the world of pain, suffering, disappointment, and chaos that I brought into so many lives. For that, I will have to work tirelessly to regain the trust of the American people and my community. I promise to be a better man, a better citizen, and above all, a better human being.
To my family: I love you, and I’m sorry I have shamed you all and brought you dishonor with my poor choices.
To the people of New York’s 3rd Congressional District: you deserved much more than my unacceptable behavior and the dishonor I brought to our district.
To the Queens, Nassau, and National GOP: I let you all down as a Republican, and I need to stand up and apologize for my actions and how they affected us as a party—both locally and nationally.
Friends, old and new: you deserved much more than what I gave you, and for that, I will try to make it up to you once I’m out of prison.
To President Trump, the leader of our Party and our Country: I make this promise, sir—I will do better, be better, and always carry on the mission of the America First Agenda until my last breath. Mr. President, I’m not sure you’ll ever see or read this, but I’m sorry for letting you down and for narrowing the House majority by one seat due to my very public undoing. I hope you will still have me on your team in the future so I can prove I’ve learned from my poor choices and actions.
To my readers of the South Shore Press: thank you for reading my column every week for the last year, and thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you on an array of topics, including my life in prison.
And to the team over at the SSP: thank you for taking a chance on this sinner and allowing me to show my worth and value as I write for you all.