Rapping under the moniker Low-T, Center Moriches songster Bryan Hellmer is hoping his “Arthritis Rap” scores a hit with the senior crowd. He auditioned with rap impresario Rock Wilder, the producer of some big names in the business–Redman, Erick Sermon, Jay-Z, and Janet Jackson–who loved it. “It’s all about my bout with arthritis which I’m sure many people can relate to,” the local rapper said.
Arthritis Rap
By Bryan Hellmer
He was alright with us then got R-thri-ta-rus that kicked his butt and left him in a rut. Dr. Rosette says he knows it’s tough but if I give it time, I will adjust. And Dr. Cohen is knowing the medication he’s throwing into my veins and it’s showing my ailment who’s the boss, but I still pay the cost with the range of motion I lost.
We thought we sealed its fate with the Methotrexate. I was feeling better and better and better but wait. It seems the pain I purged has somehow re-emerged and turn my hallelujah back into a dirge.
So if you sense, a criminal, I’ll say the scent’s medicinal but I won’t swear on a hymnal the things I had to finagle to keep my pain to minimal. So now they’re pumping my hide with Leflunomide, another silly name for some stuff they tried.
It’s like they got that Geisel guy sitting by their side with the Cat in the Hat and the Sneeds and the Snides and the contraindication of compulsive constipation and excessive flatulation is causing me to wanna raise my palms up, but I can’t lift my arms up.
So Dr. Lindsay Lally is taking up the tally. She treats my edema like a screamer and leaves it squirming in an alley. With a long sleeve cape and a short smart dress, she’s my superhero at the HSS.
So pardon my digression from the point of my confession, but compounded by the fact that I have Dupuytrans ‘cause I’m Hessian makes me wonder if my life is a big test or one long lesson. And lean clean Richie with the PhD is working hard to get me all my drugs for free. Living like a king at the pharmacy and he’s a big fan of the man “Low T.”