From a purely monetary standard our family was dirt poor. My mother, God rest her soul, did the best she could providing for seven children throughout the year, under difficult and dysfunctional circumstances. Life was challenging enough for her making sure we had food and clothing 364 days of the year, let alone be able to afford presents under the tree on Christmas Day.
As a child, you have no clue about the struggle and sacrifice mothers make for their children. Now that I’m a father, I can’t imagine the stress and anxiety she experienced knowing she could never, ever “Keep up With the Joneses” and have a boatload of gifts under the tree for her excited children. Our childhood home was not a syrupy Hallmark or Lifetime movie. It was what extreme poverty felt and looked like.
I thank God every day for the gift and blessing of that struggle. I have a deep appreciation for my mother, for having food, clothing, and shelter. That incredible gift of having nothing makes me deeply appreciate everything I have today. Thank God our family has lived the arc of the American Dream and that the lives of our children are exponentially better than what I experienced as a child.
At Christmas, our family relied on local Catholic Church food pantries for meals. This happened year-round, not just for the holidays.
We had great dinners at Christmas, but that was never ever an “issue” for us. Our mom usually made a phenomenal turkey with the classic “no-bake Jello cheesecake.”
The struggle for the matriarch of our family was never knowing if there would be any cash in her purse to pick up presents, or what agency would provide presents so we had something to open on Christmas Day.
My older siblings remember this Christmas memory vividly. Our mom dragged the kids across the city on a bus to pick up presents at a Toys for Tots event. By the time our huge family arrived, there were no presents left. None. Gone. Zip. Nada.
Can you fathom how my mother felt at that horrific moment? She couldn’t afford gifts for her kids. And the one life jacket she had, a charitable toy drive, was ripped from her person and was left there with her kids and nothing else.
Thankfully, one generous soul saw the Christmas train wreck that just unfolded before him. This gentleman had a deluxe Monopoly game on him. That was it. One board game.
Again, this wasn’t a vivid Christmas memory for me, the baby of the family. It was more profound for my Mom and older siblings.
The lifelong impression I have is how GRATEFUL the whole family was to have one brand-new game. For YEARS we played the hell out of that Monopoly game. It brought joy, and excitement, and knocked down, and dragged out brawls over who was cheating as banker.
The thought never crossed anyone’s mind along the lines of “damn, that’s all we got was one deluxe Monopoly game.” Never. There was nothing but happiness, joy, and gratitude for one stranger’s kindness.
To this day a family get-together never passes without mention of that board game.
In later years, our mom would give us all the same exact, practical gift that came in handy during cold, cold winter months: a package of white tube socks.
Every year. The kind of long white socks that NBA players wore in the 1970’s that went right up to their thighs.
I loved the gift. Loved it. Still do.
My mom was glad that she could at least give us something to open every Christmas, even though we knew exactly what it was based on the fact that you can’t tightly gift wrap a plastic bag with socks in it.
Even if our Mom tried to trick us and put the socks in a box and gift wrap them, all of us in unison would say, “yeah nice try, those are white tube socks.”
I am so grateful for having the most basic and simplest of gifts for Christmas throughout my childhood.
There’s love and gratitude in my heart for my mother, who set an example for me that parents are far from perfect, but striving for perfection and the best for your kids is critically important. Sometimes even just showing up as a parent is a simple gift we can give our kids that doesn’t cost a dime
This Christmas, let’s focus on the blessings and gifts we have in our lives that don’t cost anything
Let’s take time to reflect on how blessed we are to have spouses, children, jobs, homes, clothes, food, family, or other gifts we value in our respective lives.
If you happen to receive a deluxe Monopoly game or a plastic bag of brand-new tube socks, be just as grateful as if someone handed you the winning Mega Millions ticket.
Trust me, simple gifts like those are far more valuable than what money can buy.
Merry Christmas to you and your family. May you receive presents as meaningful and valuable as those I was given as a kid.