Suck it up Buttercup! The election is over and the holidays are upon us. It’s time to talk turkey.
While many media outlets and advice-givers say ‘cool it’ and stay away from triggering your relatives, we say go for it. It’s time to talk politics, child-rearing, and religion. Lay it all out there.
Uncle Bob voted for that other candidate and we’re ready to rumble. Cousin Liz says the border should be wide open to everyone, while your brother is angry he lost his job in this struggling economy. Nephew Tom and his wife can’t afford a house with interest rates so high.
Everyone is angry at something or someone. Add in a few drinks and that your parents are still talking to you like you were 12, and BAM it's full steam ahead and you are about to blow your top.
In these drought conditions, it takes just a tiny spark to set everyone off into a raging fire of argument. If you have to throw something at Uncle Bob, make it mashed potatoes. We don’t want anyone to get hurt.
While we don’t think you should shy away from a good discussion, and even a friendly argument or debate, be sure you don't treat the other side of the political arena as though they spend their spare time torturing kittens. They're not. They're just regular people who go to the baseball game, the bar, and the supermarket the same as you.
There is also no need to make self-important announcements to the family about how you are leaving X (formerly Twitter) for Bluesky because your sky is falling down over your devastation over the election result. Don’t be a Chicken Little.
If you can’t handle exposure to opinions different than your own, by all means, create a curated corner just for yourself and the other lemmings.
Dr. Michael Figuccio, Associate Professor and Chair of Psychology at SUNY-Farmingdale says, “Remember that this is a holiday and Uncle Bob has been in your life for many years. Theoretically, you love all these people and just because you have different political beliefs doesn't mean that should change.”
If you can manage to keep your head and engage, you might even come to a new understanding, or at least have opened your mind a bit to a different perspective than when you walked in the door. Engage, talk, even argue a bit – but all in love and respect. Don’t be afraid to approach difficult topics, but do it with the right tone and openness not as an attack exercise.
Dr. Leonie Huddy, Distinguished Professor of Political Science at Stony Brook University, specializes in political psychology and has a few words of wisdom for navigating the holidays in these tense times.
“These personal relationships are much more important. The world is not going to end. What I think is important is to treat the other person with respect,” said Huddy.
“I think it's important that people enter these situations and enter the holidays with realistic expectations. We all think differently and we should think differently and we can't believe or we can't expect someone to have the exact mirror image beliefs that we have,” Figuccio said.
If someone has bad behavior in the past, don't expect that just because it's Christmas or Thanksgiving, that bad behavior is going to change. And if they have a few drinks, well anything could happen. They might become belligerent or they might be more happy-go-lucky. You never know.
“When people are bringing up certain things, just remember to try to keep it light, reminisce about some of the good memories that you had, right? Remember Uncle Bob taught you how to throw the baseball,” said Figuccio. "Look past that he is wearing the MAGA hat that you so detest."
If you think Aunt Sue can be dealt with in a reasonable way Figuccio says, “deflect or redirect by saying ‘I didn't hear about that recent appointment or theoretical appointment to his cabinet’.”
Huddy said, “One of the things we find in our research is that people are capable of disagreeing.” You don’t have to shy away from discussion. “It becomes nasty and negative when you start name-calling or get very angry with someone.”
“These are just political ideas and they are your relatives and so you do want to treat them with some respect. You're going to see them again, hopefully. I think people forget that. You are going to see your dad again," Huddy said.
In the end, these are people you are going to see again and presumably, you have good memories in your heart. The important thing is to express warmth and love for these people even amid any disagreement.
Huddy says, “That takes the sting out of the whole thing. Don’t get into a battle of absolute right or wrong or good and evil. That's a difficult war. If there's only one right way to be, and you believe that God has announced that all liberals or conservatives are satanic demonic forces. It's hard to know where to go from that.”