Q: What is the role of a mediator when establishing an estate plan?
A: Navigating family dynamics can often prove a difficult course to chart. We all experience the problems in solving even everyday issues in a harmonious way, like which new restaurant to try or which television program to watch. When the stakes are higher, involving potentially life changing inheritance decisions, a family may be well served consulting with a trained mediator to help assure smooth sailing throughout the estate planning process.
In a perfect world, all of our children would be successful enough in their own lives so that they needn’t depend on an inheritance to maintain or advance their economic status. The reality of the situation is that even in the perfect world, most children develop a certain expectation of what they are entitled to after their parents pass away.
How common is it for children to ask “are we rich?” Or “will you and mom be leaving me the vacation home and the family house to my sister?” "Who are you leaving your diamond ring to mom?" These informal questions are natural and can be an impetus for parents to put their intentions in writing. Sometimes a parent doesn't know how to answer such questions. When a child's expectations are not met, a child's grief is tinged with complicated feelings of resentment or dejection.
When a proper estate plan is in place, drafted by a qualified attorney when parents are mentally competent, there is little a disappointed child can do to protest a testamentary scheme that differs from their expectations. Nonetheless, parents might aim might to be honest and open with their children on how they intend to pass on their bounty. In those instances, and regardless of whether the size of the estate exceeds $5 million or is much more modest, the use of a professional mediator, working with your estate planning attorney, may be the best way to promote a harmonious outcome.
In one or two sessions, the mediator will be able to flesh out any concerns within the family that could give rise to bad blood, animosity or even lead to a fractured family unit. This is especially important for blended families or when one child is the caretaker or lives in a on a property owned by a parent.
Embarking on these discussions in a calm manner with trained professionals, parents can rest assured that their son has no interest in receiving any of his mother’s jewelry and that their children had already been planning to use the vacation home together. Isn’t knowing that your final wishes will guide your family lovingly forward, avoiding tempestuous intra-family disputes, really what would give any parent the most comfort?.
Matthew Kiernan, Esq. and Robert Cannon, Esq. are attorneys at Burner Prudenti Law, P.C. focusing their practice on Trusts and Estates. Burner Prudenti Law, P.C. serves clients from New York City to the east end of Long Island with offices located in East Setauket, Westhampton Beach, Manhattan and East Hampton.