One of the biggest problems facing the military returning to civilian life is the fear of rejection. While in the military all their needs are covered, and they are taught to live in a brotherhood with each other. When they return to civilian life they give all that up and have to start completely over, no housing, job, food, or brotherhood. Many also come home with the stigma label of PTSD even though they do not have it.
One of the problems research studies confirm is that maladaptive behavioral reactions, especially social withdrawal (or isolating oneself from others) are influenced by perceptions and emotions related to rejection sensitivity. Sensitivity to rejection has a positive and substantial relationship with social avoidance and psychological distress and a negative and substantial relationship with self-esteem and social self-efficacy.
Most of us would like to gain the admiration of our neighbors, coworkers, and, most important, family members.
However, it is impossible to please some people, and other people want you to please them by doing things that are contrary to your faith and beliefs. Thus you are rejecting them.
Yet, most of us have been subjected to rejection, either from a job, loved one, or friend, but on the other side of the picture we have also rejected someone. So rather than fear rejection, we need to learn from it. This is particularly true if you are rejected from getting the job you just applied for. The first thing you need to do is to review your resume and see why it was not strong enough to get the job.
Then, review the interview and see where you could have been stronger in your replies. For example, when the pet shop I owned was forced to close by the landlord using the space to build Home Depot, I applied for a job at a large appliance store.
The manager turned me down and said he did not believe that I could sell the refrigerators. I replied, “Excuse me sir, are you saying that even though I sold birds that screamed and dirtied all over the place for about a thousand dollars a bird, but that I would not be able to sell a refrigerator to someone who needed one? Why not? I got the job. Thus, don’t give up, learn from a rejection and grow stronger.
One thing we need to understand is that even though we may have a fear of rejection, we have faced it successfully many times. Even more important, we have rejected others for various reasons. Some of those reasons may be the reasons that others reject us. Rejection is really just a part of life that one needs to understand and learn from. So don’t give up, if you do give up, you are rejecting yourself.
Help is available to you by calling the local VA hospital in Northport, 631.261.4400 or Veterans Crisis Line 1.800.273.8255, press 1 to talk to a veteran or have a confidential chat at VeteransCrisisLine.net or text to 838255.
If you have any question relating to veteran problems please do not hesitate to contact us and we will do our best to answer it. Contact us at Drfred72@Gmail.com.
Rev. Frederick Miller, Ph.D.